


5 Christmases spent together + 1 Christmas that wasn't

by hawkguyandthewinterdude



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Christmas Fluff, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending?, Human Disaster Clint Barton, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Winterhawk Fic Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 03:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17216402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkguyandthewinterdude/pseuds/hawkguyandthewinterdude
Summary: All the information is already in the title. There's a bit of angst and Hurt/Comfort and the possibility for a sequel.





	5 Christmases spent together + 1 Christmas that wasn't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [troubledWinterhawk (on tumblr)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=troubledWinterhawk+%28on+tumblr%29).



> This is for troubledWinterhawk who wanted Hurt/Comfort with bits of angst.  
> I wasn’t sure if I wanted to follow most of the MCU timeline but at some point I think it wouldn’t have made sense to follow that particular timeline.. and since this Clint is probably a mix of Fraction Hawkeye and bits of MCU Hawkeye together anyway I thought why not do whatever the hell I want and call it “not canon compliant”. (I realised I never really mention Clint being deaf but in my head he definitely is but I honestly have no idea how that happened. - I'm so sorry about that.)  
> I also kinda, sorta went a little overboard with the length... it was supposed to be a 2k max.. and here I am with almost 6k.. which is close enough.. right?  
> I really hope you like it though!

5 Christmases spent together + 1 Christmas that wasn’t.

For Clint, Christmas never really had had any meaning. He could barely remember the time before the accident and when he did, he could remember the smell of booze and that the urge to run and hide never quite had faded. The time, when it was just him and Barney and some random foster family, they never stuck around long enough and at the circus.. Christmas was just another couple of days full of performances, hard work and training, usually somewhere down South to escape the cold.

Once Barney had left him to die in a ditch the months started to blur together and without a family, Christmas had lost its last tiny bits of meaning all together.

Christmases at SHIELD usually consisted of missions for Clint, volunteering for as many of them as possible to give those agents with a family a chance to spend the time together.  
When Coulson and later Natasha became his family they usually spent it huddled up in Phil’s office, drinking shots of vodka until one of them passed out on the floor.

The first Christmas after… New York, after Loki, after Coulson, was hard for Clint. The atmosphere in the tower was cheerful, Tony had gone a little crazy on the decorations all around the communal floors even down in the gym, the targets on the range had changed from simple concentric circles to glitter balls.

Even though Clint wanted nothing more than hide away in the vents, that first Christmas with the Avengers, with his new, miss-matched family, had been the best he could remember.

1.

Steve and Sam showed up at the tower one day in early September with the Winter Soldier, looking ready to bolt any second, in tow. There was a heated discussion with Steve and SHIELD about Barnes and if they would take him into custody or not but Steve wasn’t Captain America for shits and giggles with a stubborn streak a mile wide so after Tony had calmed down enough Barnes apparently was here to stay.

It took Clint the longest to meet him but somehow they instantly clicked. It was the utter lack of expectations that seemed to relax Barnes the most and over the following months they became something like friends. There were way too many nightly meetings after nightmares, haunted eyes finding each other in the darkness of the kitchen or down at the range.

It was Christmas Eve, Clint had just come back from a mission, scraped up and half asleep and Barnes looked so damn miserable sitting there at the table with Steve telling some story he was supposed to remember that it only took Clint a second to decide what to do. “Wanna go and pet my dog?”, he asked, ignoring Steve’s look in favour of the small, barely there smile he got from Barnes.  
Clint quickly texted Kate to let her know he was on his way to pick up Lucky and with tons of kiss emojis asking her to maybe not be there when he arrived.

The ride over to Bed Stuy was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. “His name’s Lucky.. or pizza dog. He’s a mutt.. but his fur is super soft and he loves belly rubs. Almost as much as he loves pizza.”, Clint explained and couldn’t help but mirror Barnes’ smile. “We could order pizza too if you want.. watch some dog cops and you know.. not go back to the tower for a while.”, he offered quietly once they got out of the car and Clint unlocked the door to his building.

“That.. sounds great.”, Bucky answered, his voice scratchy like he hadn’t talked all day. “I love Stevie… don’t get me wrong, but…”

“But sometimes their expectations feel like they’re suffocating you.”, Clint finished and huffed out a sigh. “I get it. Come on, we can walk the dog and then get comfy with pizza.” he added and grinned at Barnes broadly, quickly unlocking the door and stepping aside so Lucky would tackle Bucky to the ground and not him.

As expected a blur of golden fur shot out the door and with a yelp Bucky went down. “He likes you”, Clint commented helpfully and discreetly took some pictures with his phone while Bucky’s face was covered by 50 pounds of over excited dog.

“ETA in 20 minutes but Clint’s... ” - “Tasha no! I don’t need medical.. I’m fine! See, I can totally…” - “Clint’s an idiot. If you want to volunteer for this, be my guest. Bring your first aid kit.”, Natasha finished and glared at Clint who was lying in the back, still bleeding sluggishly from various cuts on his face and arms, his right hand gently cradled against his chest while Natasha was busy flying the quinjet. “Come on Tasha.. don’t be mean. You love me.”, he muttered with a pout, wincing when he accidentally jostled his hand.

“You know.. I kinda had different plans. I thought we could.. I don’t know, take Lucky for a walk, maybe grab some dinner, go ice skating.. that kind of thing.”, Bucky muttered once the jet had touched down and Nat had helped Clint hobble the few feet towards the building. She smirked at him knowingly before pressing a quick kiss against Clint’s forehead and disappearing towards her own floor. “I’m sorry, Buck.. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.”, he whined and let Bucky slip an arm around him to support most of his weight.

Clint let out a soft sigh once he could sit down on Bucky’s couch, waiting patiently while he grabbed the first aid kit, a glass of water and some painkillers.

“Tell me what happened.”, Bucky prompted gently once he had set up beside him, carefully starting to clean some of the deeper cuts on his arm. He listened with rapt attention, shaking his head at Clint’s antics, all the while stitching up those cuts that needed it, cleaning and taping the more shallow ones. “Jesus, Clint.. you’re gonna give me a heart attack one of these days.”, he muttered with a fond smile while he brushed some blood-crusted strands of hair out of his face. “Hate it when I can’t watch your back..”, Bucky grumbled, eyes focused on the forming bruise along Clint’s jaw and his split lip.

“Awww, Bucky.. I knew you liked me.”, Clint teased and smirked, hissing quietly when it pulled on the stitches in his lip. “I’m fine though… this is… nothing. I’ve had a lot worse. And.. we can always check out the Christmas markets next year.”, Clint muttered and looked at Bucky with hopeful eyes.

Bucky rolled his eyes and glared at Clint halfheartedly. “Come on… let me see your hand.”, he said and cleared his throat, eyes widening a little at the state it was in. “Clint.. you know I get how much you hate medical, but a doctor needs to look at this. I can’t just wrap it up and hope for the best.. can’t be responsible if it’s something serious and you can’t shoot for god knows how long. I couldn’t handle all the whining.” he teased and let out a soft sigh. “Come on.. You need an x-ray. I’ll make coffee and steal some of the christmas cookies Wanda made and then we’ll watch Dog Cops.”, Bucky coaxed, smiling softly when Clint finally agreed to go.

3.

It kind of became a ritual between them, after missions they would first find each other, patching each other up before eventually convincing the other to get more serious injuries checked out by a doctor. Usually it was Bucky who would patch up Clint, smiling fondly while he listened to his report about the mission. Over the year, their touches started to linger, moments alone stolen here and there, a shared look over breakfast or fixing another cup of coffee just how the other liked it but there was never anything more.

Clint had given up on denial, had accepted that he was so far gone for Bucky that there was no way back without getting his heart broken and yet he hadn’t had the courage to talk about it with Bucky.

“Kate took the dog to LA with her…”, Clint said once he flopped down on the couch beside Bucky, his head resting against his shoulder. “I’m gonna miss him..”, he sighed and blinked up at Bucky with a sigh.

“They’ll be back in no time. And… in the meantime you could finally take me ice skating like you promised.”, Bucky suggested with an innocent smile, fingers brushing through Clint’s messy hair.

Clint perked up at the idea and grinned broadly. “Yes! Come on. No mission, no… well hardly any injuries. We have to.”, he said and got up, pulling Bucky with him.

That’s how they ended up at the rink at Rockefeller Center close to 11pm on Christmas Eve. Bucky was bundled up in a purple scarf with the Hawkeye sign stitched onto it and matching gloves while Clint wore a half black, half grey scarf with fine black lines and a red star to resemble Bucky’s metal arm completed with matching gloves.

It had started out as a joke but Clint couldn’t deny that Bucky dressed in Hawkeye merchandise was something of a weak spot for him.

They skated close to each other for a couple of rounds, sharing looks every few seconds and grinning dopily; eventually their competitive streak winning out so they ended up in a race that Bucky won just because Clint tripped at the last second, crashing into the railing where he lay on the ice until Bucky came back to pick him up. “I want a rematch.”, Clint pouted while he brushed himself off, sighing heavily when he spotted the big, wet stains on his knees.

“Maybe next time, yeah? Come on, it’s almost midnight.”, Bucky grinned and grabbed Clint’s hand and pulled him along, going another couple of rounds until they came to a stop. He spun around and smiled at Clint, reaching out to adjust his Beanie. “Hey Clint…? Merry Christmas.” he muttered with a soft smile, his gloved hands resting on his neck when he leaned in to finally kiss him.

Clint gasped, eyes wide for a second until his mind finally caught up with the situation and he kissed back, arms wrapping tightly around him, not letting go even after they separated to catch their breath. He huffed out a soft laugh and shook his head slightly before pressing another kiss against Bucky’s lips cause that seemed to be a thing now that he could do. “Merry Christmas, Bucky.”

4.

After that kiss on the ice their relationship had shifted and for a while they thought they could hide it from their teammates, but Tasha knew the second her eyes landed on Clint and Bucky was fairly sure Steve knew as well. But even though there was just another component to their friendship that suddenly made it okay to go for random kisses whenever Clint and Bucky felt like it or to cuddle up under a heap of blankets during movie nights, it started out slow and tentative. Clint was scared as hell to mess it up somehow and Bucky, well, his last relationship had ended more than seventy years ago and from what little details he remembered, nothing had ever felt close to what he felt for Clint.

The solo missions Clint took were even more nerve wrecking now and they had had more than one fight about Bucky’s behaviour and somehow came to an agreement they both could live with.

“Listen, I’m fine. I know this is… our ritual and also kind of our anniversary but this is taking longer than expected. Can we celebrate once I’m back? I promise I’ll make it up to you. We’ll… we’ll pretend it’s still Christmas. Watch some cheesy movies and drink hot cocoa.”, Clint whispered and quickly muted his phone when another coughing fit wrecked his whole body, leaving him breathless. He felt bad for lying to Bucky, but he didn’t want him to see him like this. He already felt inadequate as hell and now that he got the fucking flu of all things, something super soldiers apparently did not get, he didn’t want to look even weaker for being only human. He had come home from the mission two days ago but during his impromptu bath in that stupid frozen lake he had caught a cold that had quickly turned into the worst case of the flu he could remember ever having.

Bucky deflated visibly and cleared his throat. “You sound weird.. are you sure everything’s okay? Do you need backup?”, he asked quietly, huffing out a sigh; yet another Christmas that didn’t go as planned.

“Yeah, yeah. All fine, don’t worry about me, Buttercup. I’ll see you in a couple of days.. a week, tops.”, Clint quickly said, muting his phone once more to blow his nose. “Hey Buck… I’m sorry… alright, love? I love you.”,he whispered and closed his eyes for a second, staying on the line a little longer just to listen to Bucky breathe, a small, miserable smile forming on his lips when Bucky told him he loved him too before ending the call.

He set his phone aside and curled up a little tighter on the couch, making sure he was completely covered by several blankets, sniffling, coughing and shivering like the pathetic excuse of a human being he was.

He lost track of time like this, trashing and turning when he managed to doze off, plagued by nightmares, taking seven different kinds of pills, drops and powders that he had found in the bathroom, only vaguely aware of what they were all for.

The next time he startled awake somebody was inside the flat. He tensed, thought about grabbing something as a weapon when his brain sluggishly informed him that he had heard keys in the lock; not a threat then, probably Kate. He whined quietly, struggling with the blankets until his face was free and in his line of sight were a battered pair of combat boots and black jeans - not Kate then.

Even though Steve had tried to convince him to stay at the tower for a movie night with the team since Clint was still off god knows where, Bucky had refused and had grabbed all kinds of Christmas decorations, most of them purple, to hang up in their apartment in Bed Stuy to surprise Clint once he came back.

He had just stepped into the apartment, putting down the boxes when he heard an all too familiar whine coming from the heap of blankets that hadn’t been there the last time he left. “Clint?!”, Bucky asked incredulously, a mix of betrayal, surprise and worry flitting over his face before he settled on worried. “What the hell? How long… what..?” he stammered, not sure what he wanted to know first when Clint’s whole body was wrecked by a coughing fit that reminded him way too much of Steve back in the day.

“Shit… Clint..” he muttered and dropped to his knees in front of the couch, helping the mountain of blankets that apparently contained his dumbass boyfriend to sit up. Once the coughing had stopped and only worryingly wheezing breaths could be heard he reached out to wipe away the tears from Clint’s face, flesh hand moving to his forehead to feel his temperature.

“Jesus Christ.. what happened to you? And why are you hiding out here?”, he asked, not really expecting an answer, seeing how out of it Clint clearly was.

“Come on… you need a real bed. And probably a doctor as well. I do not like the sound of your breathing.”, Bucky said and gently scooped up Clint into his arms, making sure all his blankets were accounted for before making his way upstairs to their bedroom.

Clint protested weakly when he was lifted up, but the feeling of home and right and safe intensified so he snuggled into Bucky’s neck, sniffling inelegantly and wiping his nose on one of his many blankets. “Didn’ wanna seem weak… ‘s just a cold..” he croaked out and stared up at Bucky pitifully once he was situated on the bed. “‘m sorry I lied. Please don’ go…”, he whispered when Bucky ran both his hands through his hair, sighing heavily. “Mmmm sorry, Buck… please don’t go.”, he repeated and reached out to him, his whole arm shaking with the effort of moving.

“I’m not leaving, sugar.. I’m gonna make you some tea and get your meds, alright? Just close your eyes and I’ll be back once you open them again. Promise.”, Bucky whispered and leaned down to press a gentle kiss against Clint’s hot forehead, fingers brushing back his sweaty hair.

It took almost two weeks for Clint to feel like an actual human being again. His fever broke about five days in and now he was down to light sniffles and a very persistent cough.  
Bucky had stayed with him the whole time, making him tea and soup, handing him tissues and rubbing his back when he was coughing up half a lung. He had talked to Nat first and then to Steve, letting them know that Clint was just a dumbass and not lost somewhere in arctic.

On January 5th the whole team had come by to celebrate a late Christmas and they had left about an hour ago, leaving Bucky and Clint on the couch, snuggled up, quiet music playing in the background. Bucky took a deep breath and opened his mouth, feeling how Clint tensed in his arms. “Relax, sunshine.”, he whispered and brushed his lips against his temple. “I’m not mad. I just… wanted to get something straight, for the future. No matter what, I will never ever think you are weak, okay? You… are one of the strongest people I know.. and I don’t want you to think you have to hide something like this from me. I’m here to stay. No matter what, you hear me?”, Bucky whispered and leaned back a little so he could kiss Clint properly. “I love you, sunshine. And I’m not gonna leave anytime soon, alright?”

5.

Soon after their late Christmas, they officially moved in together, they still had a set of rooms in the tower, spent most of their time there as well because it was just more convenient this way, but special holidays and anniversaries were spent together in Clint’s apartment in Bed Stuy.

Now that Bucky was living there as well, it looked a lot more like adult apartment and less like stoned student flat.

Lucky loved the attention he got when both of them were home, winding down from a mission or just in need of some privacy and alone time.

This year, they had decided to spend Christmas Eve, technically their second anniversary, together in Bed Stuy and celebrate Christmas with the team on Christmas Day.

They had spent almost a whole day to buy every shred of purple Christmas decoration they could find in seventeen different shops all around the city. They had been a little late to start decorating but at the beginning of December a rogue Hydra fraction had surfaced and it was Bucky’s ongoing mission to eradicate every single member of Hydra he could find and Clint, not wanting to let him go alone, had quickly agreed to come along.

That’s what left them with barely two days to spare before Christmas Eve. One day was spent shopping with a formed plan to put up their decorations once they were home but in reality they both fell asleep the second they made it home. They were curled up on the couch, surrounded by their haul, sleeping peacefully.

The next day, Bucky had insisted they bake Christmas cookies. He had been itching to do so after regaining a memory of his Ma baking with tiny Steve and him covered in flour.

They did end up with boxes full of cookies, some of them burnt while they got distracted making out on the counter, neither of them hearing the timer going off.

“How on earth..? They came fresh out of the box, Clint!”, Bucky muttered while shaking his head, smile forming on his lips. “How..? How did you manage to get tangled up like this?”, he asked, not able to hide the fond smile. “Wait.. don’t move. Knowing you, you’re going to trip and crack your head open on the coffee table. I’m getting the scissors.”, he grinned and got up from where he was sitting, busy wrapping the last gifts for the team. He stepped closer to Clint, carefully steading him before pressing a kiss against his lips. “I’ll be right back. Do not. Move.”, he repeated in his best Winter Soldier voice before dashing off to the bedroom, grabbing some wire cutters and the tiny box he had hidden in the sock drawer, way down at the bottom with the boring black and white socks neither of them wanted to wear. He took a deep breath and stuffed the box into the pocket of his sweatpants. It wasn’t exactly how he had pictured it, but knowing Clint he wasn’t that surprised… and it did fit the two of them. Nothing fancy or stilted in some expensive restaurant, Clint already whining because he had to wear a tie. No, home in sweatpants and Christmas sweaters, hair a mess was a lot more like them. He pushed his hair up into a bun before slowly walking back downstairs, grinning broadly when he spotted Clint right where he had left him.

Bucky quickly grabbed the power cord and plugged it into the closest socket, lighting up Clint and their apartment in a slightly purple tinged light.

“Hey! Come on.. it’s not _that_ funny. Just.. get me out of there already.”, Clint muttered and pouted, he would’ve crossed his arms if they hadn’t been pinned to his sides by the traitorous Christmas lights. He didn’t dare move, knowing full well that he probably _would_ trip and end up in the ER if he tried. “I’m glad I’m this entertaining for you…”, Clint added when Bucky came back into view, but instead of freeing him from this happily sparkling prison he set aside the wire cutter and took another step back. “What the hell…?”, he started, but the words somehow got lost on the way once he realised what his dumb boyfriend was trying to do.

“Buck..”, he breathed out, eyes wide as saucers while Bucky was kneeling on one dumb knee, holding out a dumb, small box and looked at Clint like he couldn’t imagine rather being anywhere else but here. “Aw, Buck…”, he whined, carefully shuffling forward and gracelessly dropped to his knees in front of Bucky.

“Get me out of here already.”, he said, eyes sparkling and his grin so wide it hurt.

Bucky laughed and carefully set down the ring, picked up the wire cutters instead and quickly freed Clint, mourning the purple Christmas lights just for a moment before Clint, now finally free and able to move, tackled Bucky to the ground, laughing helplessly.

“You gonna ask too..?”, he mumbled into Bucky’s sweater, lifting his head when he felt fingers brushing through his hair.

Bucky rolled his eyes and reached for the ring, cheeks tinged pink when he looked into Clint’s eyes, unable to hide his smile any longer. “Wanna get married..?”, he drawled and rolled half off of Clint to reach his hand, squeezing it gently before sliding the ring onto his finger with ease, breath getting caught halfway down to his lungs at the sight of the simple band around Clint’s finger, the feelings of right and mine and _love_ , almost overwhelming him.  

“Yeah…, yes. I’m gonna marry your dumb ass.”, Clint finally said, grin growing just a tiny fraction before he finally leaned in to kiss his _fiance_.

+1.

Clint proudly wore the ring night and day, keeping it on his finger all the time, taking it off just for missions.

Steve, the sappy punk he was, had given Bucky his dog tags, winking at him and hugging him, his way to show his approval and support.

Nat had been her usual self, brushing fingers through Clint’s hair during Christmas movie night, flicking his ear before leaning closer. “I’ll be best man.”, she informed him with a smirk before gingerly sitting down on the couch again, stealing the bowl of popcorn from Tony, only raising an eyebrow when he tried to object.

During missions Clint wore the ring on the ball chain of Bucky’s dog tags, safely resting against his chest, a reminder to be extra careful and try not to die on the field, a reminder that he had something to come home to.

It had been almost a year already, there were nights in Bed Stuy, curled up in bed with Lucky lying at their feet when they talked about a wedding, what they wanted, what they definitely didn’t want. The public found out about their engagement in June. They were out on a call and Clint got cornered by them on a roof, standing his ground for as long as he could, Bucky fighting his way through the army of robots, sprinting up the stairs and bursting through the door just to watch Clint go down with a grunt, the media helicopter circling over them just in time to spot Clint fumbling for the chain and Bucky helping to get the ring out, gently easing it onto his finger when he was taken away by the medics.

Blurry pictures of their twined fingers almost made the front page of every tabloid while Clint had ended up with three broken ribs, a bruised kidney and too many bruises to count them all.

The call came early in the morning on December 23rd, some weird aliens were roaming the streets of Manhattan causing destruction everywhere. The whole team was dispatched, Cap and Rhodey were on the ground helping the police and military with the evacuation while Tony dropped off Clint on one of the rooftops.

He winked at Bucky who was a few buildings over, taking out aliens that tried to stray too far from the main fight while Clint made sure civilians could escape the battle unharmed.

The fight kept going on, waves of aliens kept coming, the buildings getting more and more damaged.

Clint’s arms were shaking, sweat was burning in his eyes and he could feel the building he was on starting to crumble around him.

“Iron Man.. I could use a ride.”, Clint panted, quickly wiping away the sweat before shooting down another couple of aliens.

“I’m kinda busy right now. What about Rhodey or Falcon?”, came Tony’s tinny voice over the comms.

Clint cursed and shook his head, backing away from the hole that kept getting bigger in the middle of the roof.

“I… uh.. I really need that ride. Rhodes? Falcon? Anyone..?”, Clint asked, desperation bleeding into his voice.

 

“Hawkeye! What’s your status? Can you change location on your own?”, Cap ordered, “Bucky, focus! There’s two of them approaching your location!”

 

Clint groaned and tugged at his hair, trying to find a way off the building that was slowly collapsing around him. “Fuck.. I… I don’t… I can try.”, he eventually settled on, sweat dripping down from his hairline. He took a couple of steps back, to hopefully gather enough momentum to make the jump. “Hey Buck… I love you, okay?”, he muttered before breaking into a run towards the giant hole in the roof, putting all of his energy into the jump but the sick feeling in his stomach that he wouldn’t make it intensified in mid air.

Bucky flipped Steve off and shot the two aliens, eyes straying over to Clint’s location every couple of seconds. “No… Clint!”, he screamed when he saw him jump, arms reaching the other end but before he could pull himself up the whole roof gave in and collapsed on top of Clint. He could hear his scream, loud and clear over comms, the fear and desperation almost ripping his heart into pieces while he had to watch the cloud of dust rising into the air.

“CLINT!”, he screamed again, vision blurring, breath getting stuck in his throat.

“NO! Steve! STEVE! He’s.. fuck! FUCK! I need… Stark! Get me over there! I need to…!”, he shouted, voice cracking while he tried to get off the building as fast as he could.

____________

He had barely registered the time passing, desperation and adrenaline the only things that were keeping him upright while he tried to dig through the rubble to get to Clint.

All of them were covered in concrete dust from head to toe, Bucky’s flesh hand was covered in blood, knuckles lacerated and cut by the rough material.

“Bucky.. stop it.”, Steve tried, gently this time, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him away. “We have to be careful. Tony says one wrong move and everything could collapse even further. We’ll get to him. I promise. Just… just let them do the job properly.”, he said, firmly holding onto him.

“No! You don’t… I need to.. I need to get to him! Stevie… it’s… what if... “, he muttered, voice hoarse from all the screaming, his whole body shaking with exhaustion.

They had been at it for ages now. The sun had already started to set again, Christmas Eve almost over and so far they hadn’t located Clint.

Bucky was  sitting on the ground, still covered in blood and concrete dust, absentmindedly sipping the water Steve had handed him a while ago and he watched the firemen run around, a couple of Iron Man armours still in the air to constantly scan the debris and give updates about the integrity of the collapsed building, slowly guiding the search-and-rescue team.

When the sun had started to set, searchlights had been set up, the harsh white light illuminating the whole street. At some point Natasha had joined Bucky at the ground, exchanging the empty bottle of water for hot coffee, her hand resting on top of his. “They’ll find him. And he’s gonna be okay.”, she said with determination but Bucky knew, that she wanted to convince herself just as much as she wanted to convince him.

“‘s been the first Christmas we haven’t spent together.”, Bucky whispered tonelessly, eyes closed when he leaned a little more against Natasha.

The team had taken turns, leaving for a quick shower or a nap while Bucky, Steve and Nat stayed put, trying to help as much as they could, but Christmas Eve had slowly turned into Christmas Day and none of the scans had shown any signs of life.

It took a while to realise that the sun had gone up again, the light coming from the sun and not from the searchlights anymore.

“It’s been 37 hours, Captain. The scans haven’t picked up anything through the steel and concrete… I’m not...”,the fire chief told Steve and sending him an apologetic look. “We’re doing everything we can but… you might want to prepare your team for the worst.”, he added quietly with a look to where Bucky and Natasha were still sitting huddled together under a couple of blankets that some paramedics had been brave enough to offer them.

“Thank you Chief, but we’re not losing hope. Hawkeye is… a lot tougher than he looks. Let me know as soon as you have any news.”, Steve said with a polite smile, nodding once before slowly walking towards Bucky and Natasha, knowing that they probably had heard the conversation.

Four hours and thirty-seven minutes passed a lot like that until finally a turmoil caught their attention. “Captain Rogers! We got something on the scanners!”, one of the firemen shouted and gesturing for them to come closer to take a look themselves.

Tony was him to confirm the readings and keep the armours up and running, smiling tiredly when Bucky, Nat and Steve were close enough to see. “I’m positive it’s our favourite birdbrain. Come on.. we’ll get medevac ready, Terminator probably wants to be there when we pull him out.. Natasha, want to get the jet ready for takeoff?”, Tony instructed with a look at Steve who just nodded along, hand finding his shoulder and squeezing gently.

“Thanks, Tony. I’ll get down there and see if we can help. Talk to me if something changes.”, Steve said before he walked towards the collapsed building with determination.

Bucky was glad his stomach was already empty when they finally pulled Clint out between bits of concrete. His hair was a mess of blood and dust, his face bruised and bloody, the contrast between the white concrete dust and the dried blood making him look even worse.

He didn’t dare breathe until he knew he was still alive, his whole body shaking.

“We have a pulse! It’s thready but there. The hypothermia probably saved his life… Possible spinal injury, cranial trauma, comminuted fracture of the left fibula and tibia…”

Bucky stopped listening once Clint was lying on a stretcher and was wheeled towards the waiting quinjet, his legs almost giving out before he could find a seat, but Steve was there to catch him, holding him upright and making sure he was buckled in before giving Natasha the all clear for take-off.

_______________

Just like all the days before, Bucky was sitting in a chair beside Clint’s bed, feet carefully propped up on the bed, reading “The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood” out loud.

He had finished another chapter and set down the book for a moment, a heavy sigh slipping past his lips. “It’d be a lot nicer if you were awake for this, you know? Christmas without you sucks… and so does New Year’s. Please wake up… okay? I’m begging you. I… I know they had to shave your head and you probably wanna sleep until it’s all grown back but… I really need you. The whole team’s slowly falling apart without your dumb jokes. Everybody’s blaming themselves for not getting you off that roof. Steve’s… a punk as usual but I’m sure everybody would be a lot friendlier if we knew you were okay.”, Bucky whispered and sighed, leaning forward to press a kiss against Clint’s forehead, fingers carefully brushing over the white bandages still covering his head. He had his eyes closed, forcing himself to breathe slow and steady.

“Aw… hair, no.”, suddenly came the weak response from cracked lips, startling Bucky so badly he fell out of his chair. “‘y shaved m’ head…?”, Clint slurred and slowly blinked his eyes open.


End file.
